Last night I went out for the first time in ages. I wanted to laugh, dance and sweat, and I wanted to reconnect in with my queer community that I’ve been so distant from. At midnight my monthly ‘sobriety milestone’ reminder went off on my phone and it took me a moment to count, but it has been 27 months of clean and sober living. I felt my usual sense of pride that is always accompanied by a calm – knowing that I made it through another whirlwind of a month, with another tally for the board.
I got home and took a shower to rinse off the sweat that had soaked my clothes and hair from a full night of dancing, and realized that for the first time I had gone the full night without any sort of urge to pick up a drink. No crutch of holding onto a glass of water, no energy drinks or soda, no heading to the bathroom just to take a moment to catch my breath and calm myself down, no walls up, no triggers, no anxiety, nothing. Just laughing and dancing with friends and strangers.
I know that down the road I’ll have urges and there will be triggers, and that I will struggle, but for today I’m more than okay – and today that is enough.